Online Memorial Tribute

Please

Please don't ask us
if we are over it yet.
We'll never be over it.
A part of us died with our child.

Don't tell us
they are in a better place.
They are not here with us
where they belong.

Don't say at least
they are not suffering.
We haven't come to terms
with why they suffered at all.

Don't tell us
at least we have other children.
Which of your children
would you have sacrificed?

Don't ask us
if we feel better.
Bereavement isn't a condition
that clears up.

Don't force your
beliefs on us.
Not all of us have
the same faith.

Don't tell us
at least we had our child for so many years.
What year would you choose
for your child to die?

Don't tell us
God never gives us more than we can bear.
Right now we don't feel
we can handle anything else.

Don't avoid us.
We don't have a contagious disease
just unbearable pain.

Don't tell us you know how we feel,
unless you have lost a child.
No other loss can compare to losing a child.
It's not the natural order of things.

Don't take our anger personally.
We don't know who we are angry at or why
and lash out at those closest to us.

Don't whisper behind us
when we enter a room.
We are in pain, but not deaf.

Don't stop calling us
after the initial loss.
Our grief does not stop there
and we need to know others are thinking of us.

Don't be offended
when we don't return calls right away.
We take each moment as it comes
and some are worse than others.

Don't tell us to get on with our lives.
We each grieve differently and in our own time frame.
Grief can not be governed
by any clock or calendar.

Do say you are sorry.
We're sorry too, and you saying that you share our sorrow
is far better than saying any of those tired cliches
you don't really mean anyway.

Just say you're sorry.
Do put your arms around us and hold us.
We need your strength to get us through each day.
Do say you remember our child, if you do.

Memories are all we have left and we cherish them.
Do let us talk about our child.
Our child lived and still lives on in our hearts, forever.
Do mention our child's name.
It will not make us sad or hurt our feelings.

Do let us cry.
Crying is an important part of the grief process.
Cry with us if you want to.
Do remember us on special dates.

Our child's birth date, death date and holidays
are a very lonely and difficult time for us without our child.
Do send us cards on those dates
saying you remember our child.
We do.

Do show our family that you care.
Sometimes we forget to do that in our own pain.
Do be thankful for children.
Nothing hurts us worse than seeing other people in pain.

~ Original version was written by Mary Cleckley, Atlanta, GA ~
~ Revised by Wendy Lockman ~